Archive | Money RSS feed for this section

I am a Madman!

10 Aug

I’m mad.  Quite mad, indeed.  Okay.  Nowadays, we like to say mentally ill, but as a fan of old horror and science fiction, I prefer to call myself mad.

I’m better than I was.  I take medication that keeps me manageable.  But once upon a time….

My madness is called Bi-Polar Disorder now, but it used to be called manic-depressive, and before that, madness (or eccentricity in polite circles if you were wealthy).

At its worst, I would overreact to the smallest of situations. I have attempted suicide a few times.   Once because I couldn’t start the lawnmower and I didn’t want to have to explain to my mother why the lawn didn’t get mowed.

I could get so angry I’ve been known to throw furniture at my work supervisor.  I’ve been paranoid.  I’d hear things that didn’t actually get said.  I’d have delusions.  Sometimes the lines between fiction and reality were blurred.

Now, with medication, I can seem to be quite normal….sometimes. I am still pretty introverted, except for the world of the internet, of course.  I have a huge ego, and yet I have extremely low self-esteem.  I don’t like to leave my apartment.  I keep my shades down and don’t let people over very often.  I don’t socialize.  I never answer my phone.  And that’s the way I like it.

I love to write, and at times I will pour myself into research, and in what seems like just moments of research will have been six hours.  I will lose total track of time, which is weird if you consider that I am obsessed with time and schedules and lists.

My mind is constantly obsessing over what most would consider things that don’t matter.  I can’t watch a TV show without analyzing how it fits into various fictional multiverse and shared realities.  I can’t watch something without studying it.

I can’t manage my money.  I’m always over drafting.  I’m extremely poor because I can’t handle money, and because I can’t seem to hold a job without freaking out, which is why the state considers my madness to be a disability.

At home, just me and my cat, I will sometimes pace my apartment at 3am because I’m coming up with great ideas for stories, which I’ll never have the patience to actually write.  Then I’ll sleep for 16 hours.

I often find myself talking to my cat, only because he’s there.  Otherwise, I’d talk to myself.

I’m actually quite happy with who I am, and how I live, though I do get sad and lonely.  I only care about my finances because it affects my relationship with my son.  And of course, there’s the lack of companionship.

The problem of course is first that I’m quite mad, and that’s a lot for people to deal with.  It’s hard to make friends or a girlfriend who can deal with my weirdness, my social anxiety, or my financial struggles.  And then the fact that because of who I am and how I am, I’m also very much used to doing things my particular way, on my schedule, or lack of schedule, depending on if I’m up or down at the town.  Not easy.

I was out tonight. I go to AA meetings, not because I’m an alcoholic, but because there aren’t any good mental health groups so it’s the closest thing I can find, and it gives me some serenity.  But when I go, I find that I’m the only one who doesn’t socialize before or after.  And I’ve realized why.  Of course, there is my own social anxiety, but also, my madness (even when controlled) is still clear.  And people fear me.  Not in the way that they fear getting hurt.  But they fear talking to the weird guy will be, well, weird.

So I am me.  And I’m mad.  Quite mad.  It’s a gift and a curse.  I’m quite brilliant.  (Really!)  And I’m a mess.  But it’s who I am.  It’s how I am.  And that’s all to that.  And tonight, I felt like I had to express that.  Because I’m not really great at talking to people, but I sure love to write.

 

DC Continuity Series Postponed

1 May
DC Comics Booth

DC Comics Booth (Photo credit: Gage Skidmore)

 

A while back, I started a series of posts about the history of DC canon, which got some really good feedback.  But then I got really busy with poverty, then the job, and of course writing the book.  So I didn’t get back to it.  I do eventually plan on proceeding with my thoughts on DC’s ever-changing canon, but it’s going to be a while.  So for those who were looking forward to the next installment, please be patient.

 

What I’ve been up to

29 Apr
English: A screenshot from Abbott and Costello...

English: A screenshot from Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man Italiano: Uno screenshot del film Gianni e Pinotto contro l’uomo invisibile (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Abbott (right) and Costello, 1942

Abbott (right) and Costello, 1942 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

So what I’ve been up to since tax season is over.

 

Well, I tried to get my car on the road, but turned out it needs a new exhaust and that will cost as much as the car itself cost to buy, so that’s not happening.

 

I’ve coordinated for Connor’s visit this summer.

 

Working on updating the TVCU blog.  Several updates have been done recently.  Currently working on the Abbott and Costello blog.

 

Of course, working on my first book, the Horror Crossover Universe, which I hope to have published by year’s end.

 

Been working on keeping my apartment clean, which for anyone who knows me, is aware that’s the task for me.

 

Been attending my meetings, trying to keep up serenity and trying to control my bi-polar tendencies.  Looking for sponsor to guide me through the steps, but so far, no such luck.  😦

 

 

More Random Rantings from November

1 Dec
English: Publicity photo of Larry Hagman and B...

English: Publicity photo of Larry Hagman and Barbara Eden from I Dream of Jeannie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Publicity photo of Larry Hagman and B...

English: Publicity photo of Larry Hagman and Barbara Eden from I Dream of Jeannie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Milla Jovovich at Comic Con 2007 promoting Res...

Milla Jovanovich at Comic Con 2007 promoting Resident Evil: Extinction. Cropped. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Larry Hagman attending the "Nigh...

English: Larry Hagman attending the “Night of 100 Stars” for the 82nd Academy Awards viewing party at the Beverly Hills Hotel, Beverly Hills, CA on March 7, 2010 – Photo by Glenn Francis of http://www.PacificProDigital.com (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Screenshot from the movie "Santa Claus Co...

Screenshot from the movie “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” which has been released as Public Domain: http://www.archive.org/details.php?identifier=santa_claus_conquers_the_martians. Featured are the Martian children characters Bomar (Chris Month, left) and Girmar (Pia Zadora). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

Been a long, tiring week. After busing it to West Springfield for the job interview, and walking to the VA for appointments, I’m worn out. Everything worked out though, so it was worth it. Tonight I’m just going to chill out, watch TV, lurk on Facebook, and probably crash early.

I have been rehired to work at H & R Block again this season. I was really happy to know they made the decision to ask me back even though they are still only 1/3 of the way through interviews.

No wonder Batman retires when he hits 40 (according to most future DC stories.) Having walked 10 miles yesterday to my appointments really kicked my ass. It hurts today just to stand up.

I have too much stuff. Especially for the size of the place I live in.

Five years ago, I broke the light bulb in the hall closet and chose not to replace it, but today maintenance replaced it at the request of the guys putting in new insulation. Very weird to see light coming from there.

Who remembers that Milla Jovanovich was in the pilot episode of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose?

There are a few pages that I had previously liked that I’ve since clicked unlike, yet, they continued to show up in my ticker and news feed. So I clicked on “Hide from news feed” but they still show up. I tried reporting them. Still there. I went to help and there was no answer. I’m really sick of seeing these few sites seem every few seconds with a new post with no way for me to get rid of them. I wonder if they are paying Facebook to stay in someone’s feed even after being unlike and such.

There are so many Christmas specials and movies from my childhood that are no longer on the air, even though they were very good, but ABC Family shows mostly movies not related to Christmas for their 25 Days marathon.

I just saw a church for sale. Kind of wish I could buy it.

It’s nice when the transfer buses are there when you get there.

Whenever I go to a job interview I feel like Andy Davis. Perhaps I need a new suit.

Nice timing. Bus showed up at the stop same time I did.

Finished the interview. Pretty sure I’ll be working full-time at block this season.

Despite using a lint brush, I still seem to have brought a bit of fudge with me to the interview this morning. I neglected to consider the inside of my coat.

One a d a half hours early for my interview. Guess I’ll sit here at Burger King and slowly drink this coffee.

Hate taking new bus routes. I get so paranoid about missing my stop or transfer.

Despite the snow, interview is still on.

Tomorrow taking a 2 hour bus trip to a job interview to interview for a job I held just 7 months ago which is only right down the street from my apartment.

Watching the 1974 film Mixed Company. So bizarre seeing Tom Bosley (best known as Mr. C on Happy Days) as the racist opposed to a black child living on his street.

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and videos, etc. (as a result of the Berne Convention).
For commercial use of the above, my written consent is needed !

(Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. This will place them under protection of copyright laws.) By the present communiqué, I tell Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to show, copy, distribute, give, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook’s direction or control. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of my privacy is punished by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute).

I actually like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, but one thing that bugs me is that Santa refuses to recognize that the bad guy is actually a bad guy. What happened to being able to tell who is naughty or nice?

“Christmas is not just a day. It’s a frame of mind.”–Kris Kringle

Tonight’s insomnia brought to me by those three cups of coffee I really shouldn’t have drunk between 7 – 10 PM.

Larry Hagman died yesterday, but I’m just learning of this now. Sort of fittingly, he died in Dallas. Though most know Hagman best for Dallas, I remember him best as Major Nelson/Master on I Dream of Jeannie, but his best role in my biased opinion is as the general who insists on giving Miss Teschmacher mouth to mouth in the 1978 film Superman.

I want a smart TV!!! Yeah, first I have to make sure I can eat, and get my car on the road, ect. But I still want it!!!

The only drawback to not eating Thanksgiving dinner at home is that at 10PM there aren’t any leftovers to pick at. 😦

I have no water. Not sure why. Guess I must investigate. Add that to my list of things to resolve today.

A crazy thing about working for H & R Block is that every year you have to re-apply, re-interview, and re-train for the same place.

“The first rule of being a ninja is Do No Harm…unless you’re intention is to cause harm, in which case you should do lots and lots of harm.” — Master Splinter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Facebook only let me view 10 of the 61 I received. Not sure why.

Either my neighbor’s vehicle’s car alarm is set on a timer, or there is a person whose schedule includes tapping the car daily at midnight.

I love Shark Tank. It’s so exciting, and it reminds me why I could never run my business.

Was so tired, I decided to go to bed early, despite my not really wanting to go to be so early. I guess I should be fortunate for my downstairs neighbor, who never learned about indoor voice vs. outdoor voice in kindergarten for making sure I couldn’t get to sleep. Never shuts up before 1am, and apparently never stops to breath. She’s like a screeching siren for 16 hours a day.

A lot of pages that I’ve “unlike” still show up in my news feed and ticker. I’m wondering if Facebook gets paid by them to bypass the “unlike” and keep sending me ads.

Just saw a grey Ultima proclaimed to be the new general lee.

I know I’ve been out of the loop, but I did I not know there was a new Wonder Woman series introduced on the CW last year?

Having lived in the south, and having lived in Korea, I have to say that both are just as culturally different from the Northern U.S., and so if the south really wants to be a separate nation, I say they already are. Let’s let them just make it official.

For those who want to leave America because you’re upset about the election, I say leave. If you hate democracy that much, you really shouldn’t be an American.

The last three companions went on to become a call girl, an assistant district attorney, and an office manager. What will become of Amy Pond?

How many people will go see Lincoln and be disappointed at the lack of vampires?

Fudge is very happy with me now. Finally can afford some wet food for him.

I’m finally getting a home phone number, but don’t try to call because it’ll never be plugged in. It’s just cheaper to get the bundle than to just have cable and Internet separately.

I cannot express how happy I am to be getting my home Internet and cable back tomorrow.

UMass is once again hosting a mock trial tournament on the weekend of Nov. 16 – 18 and they need people to volunteer as judges. If interested, or if you know someone else who may be interested, please let me know and I will put you in contact with the event coordinators. (Judges should be judges, attorneys, paralegals, law professors, law students, ect.)

Is there something important going on tomorrow?

Even More Random Facebook Rantings (October Edition)

24 Oct
Saturday Night Live (season 36)

Saturday Night Live (season 36) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Image representing eBay as depicted in CrunchBase

Image via CrunchBase

 

Image representing LinkedIn as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

 

Old age is not knowing who the person hosting SNL is.

 

After going six weeks without soda, a went and bought a single can at the corner market. Finished it before I got home. And I tell you this tasted like the best damn cold beverage I’ve ever had in my life. Boy, I am a soda addict.

 

Spent 10 minutes at my fridge and cabinets trying to make something yummy appear. Not that I’m without food. I just have nothing I particularly wanted to eat this morning.

 

Just walked by a car with license plate “tmnt 84” and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles air freshened on the mirror. Could it have been Eastman or laird, or just someone proud of the town’s history?

 

Been sleeping 16 hours a day for the past 6 weeks. Probably not good. At least I made the transition so my waking hours are mostly during daylight. I miss caffeine.

Humus chips. Damn tasty. Who knew?

 

I want to drop my LinkedIn account but can’t figure out how to do it.

 

The WiFi at the library is very slow. I have to type everything I want to say,then wait for the to appear.

 

Though I’ve watched the vacation movies a lot, I just noticed they have different houses in each film. (And yes, I know they also have different kids in each film. But it’s easier to recreate a set than give young actors immortality elixirs.)

 

Tonight I put ketchup on hot dogs wrapped on whole wheat bread. I even added mustard. I know it’s not as common as ketchup on rice, but I was in an experimental mood. Turned out to be most delicious.

 

Whenever I’m going through a rough patch in life, the two movies that I always seem to turn to are Popeye and Josie and the Pussycats.

 

I’m pondering if ketchup would taste good on fluffy white rice. I know it’s delicious on fried rice.

 

I’m looking to find a new home for my cat. Anyone interested please let me know.

 

I feel bad for one of my neighbors. She lives in the same building with someone whose not only schizoid but also a dick. He harasses her and bullies her with intimidation daily. She’s living in fear. She’s called the cops often but they just tell him to be nice then go away. Apparently the harassment, bullying, and intimidation are all legal.

 

I have about 700 comics I’d like to sell. I impulsively bought them at an auction a few years ago. They are all near mint or good condition. Almost every publisher is in there. Dates seem to range from 1950s to present, though mostly 1980s and 1990s. I tried eBay but was actually losing money on shipping. If anyone is interested in buying them from me either as the complete collection or each issue, and lives in my area, let me know if you would be interested in viewing them and making an offer. My car technically shouldn’t be operated since the inspection sticker is expired so I can’t bring them to you. I’m also looking to see my bicycle which has hardly been used, and my DVD collection. Also, I may be persuaded to sell my television and DVD player, and a very used and abused kitchen table with two chairs.

 

Forgot it was a holiday. That means no writing and no getting food today. 😦

 

Waking up at 5am instead of 5pm. Have I finally got my sleep schedule back to normal?

 

Just watched batman meet Alfred and rescue him from an East German prison in Top Secret.

 

Horror month day 4. Watched Carnival of Souls, Atom Age Vampire, and Creature from the Haunted Sea.

 

Horror month day 3 watched universal’s Dracula, house of Frankenstein, and return of the vampire. Also updated my nightmare on elm street blog. Now watching wrath of the titans because it just arrived in the mail via Netflix.

 

For horror month day 2 I watched Buffy episode “becoming” and read the spike vs Dracula graphic novel.

 

Horror month day 1. Watched Dracula: the true story, Buffy vs. Dracula, Nosferatu, billy the kid vs Dracula, and a story of Dracula the wolf man and Frankenstein.

 

 

Everything I do….

28 Apr

I’m a writer in my heart, but I’ll never be a professional writer because I lack something that most artists have:  selfishness.  And yeah, that sounds like I’m trashing artists, but I’m absolutely not.  The point of that was that those who don’t follow their hearts usually do so for others.  I did, and still do.  I didn’t pursue my dreams because my parents didn’t want me to do something risky (and how did my life turn out?)  Then it was my ex-wife who held me back for the same reasons (and again…)  And now it’s because I’m trying to create a secure life for my fiance and my son.

I should be happy.  I have thousands reading my blog daily.  I am working on a book with another author, and we’ve got a deadline in place.  And a published author just asked if I would write the framing sequence for one of his upcoming anthology projects.  That’s not bad considering my writing is just a hobby.

If I could devote my full-time to my writing, who knows what I could do.  But I need to save for my son’s cross-country visits each year, and for an apartment for my fiancé and I, and a wedding, and paying off debts, and getting my car legal, ect, ect.

If I chose the life of an artist, I certainly could survive on my disability until the work started making me money, but that would be if I chose the solitary life.  But I choose not to turn my back on the people who care about me.  Even if sometimes it seems life might be just a little easier living in isolation.  (And I’ve lived that life before, so I’m not speaking in theories.)

But even though my heart tells me to write, I have to ignore my calling, as I’ve done since childhood, because I have other people who need me, and it’s never about what I want.  It will always be about making sure everyone else gets what they want.  But who knows.  Maybe when I’m in my 70s.

Silver Lining

19 Feb
Personal Finance

Personal Finance (Photo credit: 401K)

Been working a lot, but the good thing about that is a) making lots of money, and b) no time to spend it.  LOL

Actually, that’s good because I’m paying off my debt.  My only other expenses really are food, gas (and I work in town, so not much spent there), and of course rent.

My overhead is low and I’m putting in a lot of hours.  This past week I worked 64 hours, and this upcoming week I’ll be working 60.  I basically eat, sleep, and work.

But it will all pay off in the end.