Attitude of Gratitude

15 Aug

Attitude of gratitude.  I used to think this was so cheesy.  I hated gratitude meetings.  But I’ve come to believe.

Once upon a time I only focused on the worst, most negative aspects of my life.  And so naturally, I was always angry or depressed, looking through feces covered lenses.

I always anticipated the worst, and prepared my resentments in advance.  I could have had the best day ever, full of good fortune, but then focus on a traffic jam or someone saying just the wrong thing and let that affect my whole day.

In recovery, I don’t have as many bad days, though I have bad moments.  I try to remove myself from negativity and surround myself with positivity.  I don’t hide from bad things.  I mourn losses.  I deal with problems.  But then I find positive outlets to recharge my batteries.  Sometimes that’s being around good people.  Sometimes that’s watching dumb movies.  Sometimes it’s sitting outside in solitude with nature.

Sadly, because I suffer from bi-polar depression, sometimes it’s a bit more challenging to stay positive.  Sometimes my head gets stuck in a dark cloud of misery for no good reason.  But I’ve even come to manage those extreme swings by forcing myself to seek out positive people and help others, and the bouts of depression don’t last as long when I keep allowing the people who act as rays of light to shine through the cloud of darkness.

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