Dancing without Care

29 Apr

Yesterday I attended a drumming workshop and concert.

I had been invited a few days earlier, and was very relieved that honestly I could decline the invitation because I had to work.

You see, it’s not that I dislike music, and I certainly enjoy the company of the folks who invited me.  But they dance, and I do not.  I knew that they would be dancing throughout the event, while I just sat there uncomfortably.

I don’t dance.  Not even as a kid.  I’ve always been too insecure.  When I have attempted to dance, I get so focused on “doing it right” that I can’t loosen up enough.  It was only when I could get drunk that I could allow myself to loosen up and not care about what others thought enough to make the attempt.

So as the event got closer, it turned out that I didn’t have to work, and I had no excuse not to attend.

I accepted the invitation, despite being filled with anxiety.

Before the concert, there was a drumming workshop.  I hoped that I would be able to just hang out and watch without participating, but it soon became apparent the teacher wasn’t going to let that happen.  So I found myself on a drum, something I hadn’t experienced since a brief stint with a Drum Corps in my youth.

The instructor was wonderful, and within an hour, I was playing a simple beat with the band with comfort.  It was so much fun.

And then came the concert.  Sure enough, my friends got up and danced, but what surprised me was that I did too.  I was not drinking.  I hadn’t danced in public in twenty years, and never sober, but the music called me to dance.  And I had fun.  I danced for hours.  My body is suffering a little for it today, but I’m so spiritually lifted from the power of overcoming that insecurity and just enjoying the moment, that it is worth a little soreness today.

Last night I allowed myself to feel free, no longer burdened by the chains of insecurity that weighed me down.

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