Once, When No One Was Looking…

4 Oct

Once, when no one was looking…

I danced down Old South Street.

Once, when no one was looking, I picked my nose and put the “stuff” under my friend’s bed.

Once, when no one was looking, I slipped $20 into my mom’s suitcase.

Once, when no one was looking, I took a piss on the side of the Orange Town Hall.

Once, when no one was looking, I looked at someone in a way longing to be loved.

Once, when no one was looking, I took the last slice of pizza.

Once, when no one was looking, I let myself be me with the walls down.

Once, when no one was looking, I allowed myself to laugh without insecurity.

Once, when no one was looking, I expressed my emotions.

Most of who I really am is only exhibited when no one is looking.  When I am free to be me; without fear and insecurity.

Most of my life I am playing a character, like an actor on a stage.

I constantly question who I need to be in this scene.  What is my audience expecting?  Will I get rave reviews or harsh critiques?

But when no one is looking I get to be me.  I can be as geeky or as girly as I like.  I can sing and dance.  I can fart and belch.  I can laugh at inappropriate things and have full-length conversations with myself, when no one is looking.

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An Apology to Candidates

28 Sep

I’m by no means neutral.  I certainly way in politically here.  However, recently, a candidate had asked me to write a letter of support to post here, and another I had considered writing a letter for.  But my to-do list of things to do was long and the priority for supporting these candidates through my blog honestly wasn’t that high on my list of priorities.  And so the primaries came and went.  I voted for those candidates.  I did post some comments on my social media.  But I neglected to offer them support through this blog.  And both of those candidates did not win.

I’m sure that it wasn’t my neglect that caused them to lose.  My influence is no where near that powerful.  But I think in the future, candidates should not ask me to write something for them on my blog.  My writing schedule is sporadic.  I write when my muse tells me to write, and I write what my muse tells me to write.  When I try to oppose my muse’s wishes, it seldom works out.

Stalker Issues Persist

13 Sep

For those who may recall, I have a no-harrassment order against Eugene Meyer. In February I can choose to renew the order or not renew it. Eugene’s girlfriend Damaris Vasquez keeps finding ways to harass me on Facebook. I block her, but she just seems to create new accounts and finds ways around it. It’s really frustrating. For one thing, it might not be her. It might be her abusive boyfriend going on to her account. He’s done it before. The grammar and spelling of the messages don’t match her poor grammar and spelling and are written the way he would write. It’s very frustrating for me and hard for me to figure out. You’d think since I can remove the order in a few months, that he wouldn’t be choosing to help me decide to renew the order, but instead, he keeps giving me incentive to renew the order. It’s kind of moronic. I get that he (or she) are drunk when they send the messages. They are active drunks. And we know what that does to judgement. But the other dumb thing is that she has a job that she only has because of me. After the previous harassment, she was going to get fired from her job, but I convinced her supervisor not to fire her because she needs the money. And yet not only does she and he continue to harass me, they even use her position where she works as a weapon of harassment. What should I do? I can’t prove that he may be harassing me in violation of the order using her account. I can’t get an order against her just for continuously insulting me on Facebook. I can probably get her fired from her job, but I really don’t want to do that. Why can’t people just be smart and not be dumb criminals?

Northampton Community Support Network Ending

6 Sep

I came up with an idea 16 months ago and it has been my primary passion for the past sixteen months. I’ve been pushing the idea at every venue possible for sixteen months to gain support for the project.

And now finally some folks with power and influence have taken on the idea and are running with it, but I’ve been pushed to the side, and am no longer part of this conversation that I started.

I’m very happy that my community center will come into existence. But my ego is a little bit crushed that I’m not allowed to be a part of my community center.

I’d like to thank all those who joined me in those early meetings about creating the Northampton community center when we would meet regularly at Bruegger’s and Forbes and later in the basement of First Churches.

Thanks to all those who helped with the car wash, the flyers and brochures, those who helped draft our mission statement and established safety protocols. Thanks to those who helped me find locations and helped with the logistical paperwork.

And thanks to those who supported us through monetary donations.

I’ll keep updating folks here with community news and event announcements but the Northampton Community Support Network is over. Northampton Connects is picking up the community center project and running with it without our involvement. They have more power and influence in their membership so they are more likely to be successful in the endeavor.

Ten Reasons that Doctor Who is like Scooby-Doo!

1 Sep
And now for something completely different!
Here’s a fun break for our usual chronologies…

Reasons that Doctor Who is like Scooby-Doo!

1. Running
Image result for Running Doctor WhoImage result for Running Scooby-Doo
2. The supernatural menace always has a non-supernatural explanation.
Image result for They are much older than they look. Scooby-Doo
Image result for Witches Doctor WhoImage result for Witches Scooby-Doo
3. Occasionally there are annoying companions (i.e. Scrappy-Doo)
Image result for Occasionally there are annoying companions Doctor WhoImage result for Occasionally there are annoying companions Scooby-Doo
4. Shaggy’s stomach is bigger on the inside.
Image result for bigger on the inside. Doctor WhoImage result for bigger on the inside. Scooby-Doo
5. They are much older than they look.
Image result for They are much older than they look. Doctor WhoImage result for They are much older than they look. Scooby-Doo
6. They spend all their time travelling, and very rarely are they looking for trouble. Usually they show up to visit a place and surprise, there’s a mystery to be solved.
Image result for travelling Doctor WhoImage result for travelling Scooby-Doo
7. They’ve both been around since the 60s.
Image result for They've both been around since the 60s. Doctor WhoImage result for They've both been around since the 60s. Scooby-Doo
8. Nobody believes in the supernatural, but they don’t question a talking dog. Likewise nobody seems to question a big blue box appearing in the oddest places.
Image result for Nobody believes in the supernatural, but they don't question a talking dog. Likewise nobody seems to question a big blue box appearing in the oddest places. Doctor WhoImage result for talking dog big blue box  Doctor WhoImage result for talking dog big blue box  Scooby-Doo
9. Alons-y, Geronimo, Zoinks, Jinkies
Image result for Allons-y, Geronimo, Zoinks, JinkiesImage result for Allons-y, Geronimo, Zoinks, Jinkies
 
10. Just like the Doctor, they were the same exact clothes every day.
Image result for Just like the Doctor, they were the same exact clothes every day. Scooby-Doo
Image result for Just like the Doctor, they were the same exact clothes every day. Doctor WhoImage result for Just like the Doctor, they were the same exact clothes every day. Scooby-Doo
 
If you’d like to see more posts like this, let us know in the comments section or talk to us in the TVCU Facebook Forum.  

Darker Shades

1 Sep

I’m told that Darker Shades, the Dorian Gray anthology from Wild Hunt Press, is projected for a Halloween release.

This anthology has all authors who have been on the TVCU Podcast: Peter RawlikMicah Harris, T. Casey Brennan, Zahir Al Daoud (as David MacDowell Blue), Ivan Ronald Schablotski (as Kevin Heim), Christofer Nigroand Robyn Wronski (as Robert E. Wronski, Jr.)

And the stories are pat of a shared universe with crossovers, so if you like crossovers, and why are you in this group if you don’t, then be sure to check it out.

Dancing without Care

29 Apr

Yesterday I attended a drumming workshop and concert.

I had been invited a few days earlier, and was very relieved that honestly I could decline the invitation because I had to work.

You see, it’s not that I dislike music, and I certainly enjoy the company of the folks who invited me.  But they dance, and I do not.  I knew that they would be dancing throughout the event, while I just sat there uncomfortably.

I don’t dance.  Not even as a kid.  I’ve always been too insecure.  When I have attempted to dance, I get so focused on “doing it right” that I can’t loosen up enough.  It was only when I could get drunk that I could allow myself to loosen up and not care about what others thought enough to make the attempt.

So as the event got closer, it turned out that I didn’t have to work, and I had no excuse not to attend.

I accepted the invitation, despite being filled with anxiety.

Before the concert, there was a drumming workshop.  I hoped that I would be able to just hang out and watch without participating, but it soon became apparent the teacher wasn’t going to let that happen.  So I found myself on a drum, something I hadn’t experienced since a brief stint with a Drum Corps in my youth.

The instructor was wonderful, and within an hour, I was playing a simple beat with the band with comfort.  It was so much fun.

And then came the concert.  Sure enough, my friends got up and danced, but what surprised me was that I did too.  I was not drinking.  I hadn’t danced in public in twenty years, and never sober, but the music called me to dance.  And I had fun.  I danced for hours.  My body is suffering a little for it today, but I’m so spiritually lifted from the power of overcoming that insecurity and just enjoying the moment, that it is worth a little soreness today.

Last night I allowed myself to feel free, no longer burdened by the chains of insecurity that weighed me down.